Majority of our young men and women are perishing for lack of knowledge in the name of love. Whoever said love is blind was right. It makes one do stupid things to please their romantic partners. What we fail to understand is that some of these things that we do blindly can have lifetime effects on our lives and those close to us. Please note that a healthy relationship comprises of two people who want to be in one. So, as you get all lovey-dovey today remember that it may not always translate to the phrasal ‘happy ending’. Sometimes an unexpected plot twist may happen, ending your relationship in premium tears. As you follow your heart take your brain with you.
Below are some pointers on what love is and what it is not.
- Love is not Great Sex
Do you love them because they are good in bed? If yes, then you are sick and lost. Sex and love cannot be on the same table. Sex won’t make them stay but love will. Do not break your back for someone who is there to enjoy the moment. Remember they may get all acrobatic in bed and still not love you. Love is beyond physical gratification. It is connecting deeply with someone such that when you look into their eyes you see their soul.
- Love should not Hurt
Love is a beautiful thing, and it does not hurt. It is the person you are in love with that hurts. Betrayal, abuse, loneliness, and rejection hurts but love erases that pain and makes one feel wonderful again. True love makes you happy in a way you have never experienced before so if it hurts it’s absolutely not true love. Do not get it twisted.
- Love is not Obsessive
There is a very thin line between love and obsession. To love is to want your partner to be happy and wish them the best even when you are not in their lives. On the other hand, obsession is an unhealthy longing to be with someone 24/7 or talk to them all the time. Obsessive love can lead to insecurities in a romantic relationship and cause unnecessary drama and pressure. Note the difference and make a wise choice.
- Love is not Uncertain
Ambivalence in a relationship can be nerve-racking and lead to a rollercoaster of emotions. Your partner should be clear about where the relationship is headed to avoid unnecessary stress. It is either you are dating for marriage or a breakup. There is no dating for fun. Do not stomach the “let’s see where this is going” phrase. Stop asking them “what are we?” Raise the bar and vamoose from their lives for good because you deserve better.
- Love is not saying yes at the Expense of your Own Happiness
Stop saying yes to everything to please people. You know what, your parents did not raise you to be miserable so that others can be happy. Learn to ask what is there for you, as well as saying no without feeling guilty. Take charge of your joy, your happiness, and your worth and protect it at all costs. If your partner can’t handle that kick them out.
- Love is Supportive
If you look for nothing else in a partner, make sure you have a supportive one. It is important to have a partner who can be there during tough phases in life. Having a reliable support system gives a sense of security and pride. Support may be emotional and also financial when need be. It feels nice to have someone you can turn to during a crisis and receive immense support from them.
- Love is Work
Anything worth having demands effort and intentionality and true love is not an exemption. Love takes work to resolve disagreements. It takes intentionality to communicate and understand one another. Love requires nurturing and care for it to thrive. You deserve effort, you deserve consistency, and you deserve everything good that true love has in store. Anything short of that is not worth your energy.
When all is said and done, you are the only one who can decide if you are happy or not. Until you believe you deserve better you will always attract the same version of what you disposed. Take care of your heart and value yourself. At the end of the day, all that matters is how content you are with your story.
Happy Valentines 🙂
By: Shalom Musyoka, ELF Alumni, Cohort 8.